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What the HELL does "Aaawwww, suki suki, now!" MEAN???
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So tonight George was upstairs lustfully searching for...tires for his Jeep. That's right...not porn...TIRES. And excitedly. And while he was doing that, I was watching Friends with Money. I was getting more and more upset during this movie because Frances McDormand's character, Jane, was getting increasingly perturbed at ...humanity. She was angry about all the little injustices in the world such as people rudely cutting in line, stealing parking places, not saying thank you, etc., etc. I was a little alarmed, because I had had a conversation about these VERY injustices early this afternoon. The conversation was with MYSELF, of course, but whatever. What really bothered me, though, was that in addition to her increasing piss-off was that she also stopped washing her hair. It was greasy and gross and all of her friends were commenting on it with great concern. There was also a subplot that perhaps her husband was a closeted gay man and her friends talked about that, as well, and that perhaps THAT was why she was so angry and clearly depressed.
what the HELL?? So if you're irritated that you went to the trouble of learning manners and decency and consideration for others and you're polite and let people merge in traffic when nobody else will, or, if they have just a few items in the grocery store line, you're nice enough to let them go in front of you, or if they sneeze and you say "Bless you" or "Gesundheit" and they ignore you, or you smile or wave and say "Hello!" to someone and they act like you don't exist, or you say please and thank you at a restaurant, but the staff can't be bothered to thank YOU for your business... all of those rude things that so many people do...if that bothers you ...you're CRAZY?! And can't wash your hair anymore? And must be married to a gay man?? So we should all just be passive little flower children and just sit back and accept that humanity seems to be going straight into the pooper?
Fuck that. (See me being polite?)
Anyway, I was watching the movie and Jane was imparting some of these very life lessons to her son (while they decorated a Christmas tree) and said that sometimes people behaved badly and there were many little injustices in the world and that the people in this world who do things like cut in line or steal people's parking places all add up to a grander result of making this world an uglier place.
And I cheered. I did. I may have even waved my fist in the air while doing so. I can't be sure.
And yet...they looked at her on screen like she was a madwoman. So I yelled at the television: "Sheeeeeee's NOT crazy! Sheeeeee's RIGHT!"
And then...I sorta looked down from above at myself and was a little frightened. Also annoyed. I'm not sure which of those won out and caused me to holler upstairs to George:
Gracie: "Sweetie?"
George: "Yup?"
Gracie: "WHY are the crazy people in movies always like ME?!"
George: *Said with entirely too much disinterest* "iiiiii dunno."
Gracie: "That's NOT the right answer!"
George: *crickets chirping*
Gracie: "I FAXED the script over...did you not GET IT?!"
George: *Still completely disinterested and clearly in favor of Gracie admitting her psychosis* "Guess not."
A few minutes later he comes downstairs to test his blood sugar level (he was recently diagnosed with diabetes) and has to prick his finger with the testing unit, which is apparently quite painful. He yelps out (in a shocked and injured tone) when the needle angrily sticks him, yet has trouble getting any blood to come out of his finger in order to soak onto the testing strip.
George: "Where the hell's the blood?? I felt the PAIN!"
Gracie: "Oh, I think it makes TOTAL sense."
George: "Ohhhh, ha HA. I get it." *Mimics Gracie in his oh-so-snotty way that SO DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ME* "Whaaadooo I need BLOOD for if I don't have a heart to PUMP it to, RIGHT?"
Gracie: "There ya go! You smell what I'm COOKIN'!!"
He finally squeezes out 2 or 3 drops of (black, of course) blood, completes his test, gets his unfortunate and hilariously tiny sugar-free (and carb-friendly) snack and heads back upstairs. As he does so, I happen to catch odd movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to see him... WALTZING up the stairs. That's right, friends, he's DANCING up the STAIRS. Swaying his hips from side to side and moving his body much like the people in those new brown-tinged Jello Pudding commercials. I then employ his rapid-eye-blinking technique, feel pain deep in my brain, and finally am able to speak as he walks down the hall, still happily gyrating:
Gracie: "Um...???"
George: *Ignores me and keeps walking*
Gracie: "WHAT the fuck was THAT??"
George: *Responds in his most innocent of voices* "What was WHAT??"
Gracie: "Ohhhh, you KNOW what."
George: "Nuh-uh."
Gracie: "Yuh-HUH! You just CURTSIED up the STAIRS!"
George: "No I didn't"
Gracie: "You most certainly did."
George: "Nope"
Gracie: "Have you SEEN this movie?? Are you TRYING to turn me even more into JANE!?"
George: "I don't know WHAT you're talking about."
Aaaand, then he was gone. And I was left stuttering and confused and feeling like maybe I should just stop washing my hair.
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Someone Arrived Here Searching For....
oops i poop me [you can't make this stuff up, people]
smell my fart porn
britney spears trash
creepy guy
my dentist is an idiot
i'm forgetful
her stinky ass
pantyhosed mother in law
lesbian briefcase
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