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First, thank you to Joshua A. for being the first to tell me that "Suki Suki" is another way of saying "I like, I like".
I feel so old.
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Am I the only one who sees those Children's Fund commercials and wonders why those kids aren't able to afford food when the girls are all wearing earrings? If they can afford to have their ears pierced and don diamond earrings, why not some lukewarm porridge??
And then I wonder how hot hell will be.
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Before we get to the advice, I have to tell all of you something: when you write to me? Whether it be to ask a question, offer praise, or to request advice? Please don't worry about spelling or grammar. Seriously. I get thousands of emails and I'd have to say that roughly 95% of those emails contain both praise and lovely compliments about me and my writing, but they also contain apologies for their own. That makes me feel just awful. Please believe me when I say that it's really not that big of a deal and you are all free to stop signing your emails with apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors. Truly. I promise not to make fun of any typos or errors (unless you're writing to be a dick and/or threaten my life for voicing my political views on the site or some such. Then? I'll be ALL OVER your ass). I mean, of course I have a ridiculous obsession with spelling and grammar, but I make mistakes myself. Everyone does. And I certainly don't expect everyone to know everything there is to know about spelling, grammar and punctuation. I certainly don't. And when it's a friend or a reader? I care even less. I'm thankful you care enough to write. Plain and simple. So knock that shit off, aw-ite?
That outta the way, let's get to the advice portion of today's program, mm-kay?
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Angst Advice Column:
Dear Gracie,
I have been a loyal reader for a few years now and just get a kick out of
your wit and story-telling. I swear we could be long-lost sisters or
something. Anyway, I need some advice for dealing with an ass-head of a
sister-in-law that seems to think the entire world revolves around her and
her "problems". There is way too much to get into - I could write a book
about this woman, but let me refer you to her blog to get some insight into
what I'm dealing with here. She is truly a piece of work!
I realize I might sound bitter, but I have dealt with this person for the
better part of 20 years and words just can't describe how angry she makes
me. Case in point, on her latest blog entry she mentions my hubby (the 300
pound man likely to die of a heart attack before any of her precious family
would be likely to be targeted by terrorists) in a very rude and crude
remark. See, her family is the academic, intellectual, ambitious,
truly-worthy-of-all-that-is-golden, perfect family and we are the
uneducated, lazy, ignorant hicks from the midwest that she has to tolerate
for her hubby's sake. If it weren't for my neice, I don't think I would
have anything to do with her or her crappy personality. My hubby's brother,
her husband, is a very sweet guy, but totally neutered by this woman and he
gives in to all that she wants/asks for. Anyway, her comments on her blog
truly offended me, although my hubby, who sounds a lot like your George, laughed it off and called her something I can't repeat here. I don't mesh well with people like this and generally don't like confrontation, so I'm
not really sure what, if anything, I should say to her.
Sorry to ramble and I'm sure I made many grammatical errors, but I would so
appreciate any advice you have on this matter.
Oh yeah, the blog is: [deleted to save C. from more crap]
Enjoy!
C. (a.k.a. wife to lard-ass ignoramus)
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I've changed the name and some of the details about the advice-seeker to protect her identity as best I can.
I've also chosen not to link to SIL's blog here. I don't want to promote her site and I especially don't want her stats to lead her over here, causing more stress for C. Trust me when I tell you, though, that C's sister-in-law? Is a twat.
In order to understand her question and our advice, you need a bit of a run-down on the situation. So, very briefly: C's sister-in-law lives in NYC. C's husband expressed concern recently for his brother's family and their safety in a city that has, on more than one occasion, been the target of choice for terrorists. It came from love, this expression of concern. Sister-in-law's response to said compassion was to post a snotty entry on her website, belittling their feelings of love and concern, saying that SHE worries more about their safety driving cars every day, and went on to further her twat-hood by publicly announcing that C's husband weighs too much and would do better to worry about his own Fatty McChunky arteries than HER city's safety. Keep in mind that the man she's speaking of...the one she was so hateful to/about in response to him sweetly expressing his concern for her safety was her brother-in-law. Her husband's brother...not her own, which is the ONLY way I could see her saying something so rude (and even THEN...).
To further illustrate her stunning lack of anything remotely emotional or related to actual feelings, she went on to bemoan the people online who have chosen to remove pictures and identifying details of their children from their own websites in an effort to thwart the pedophiles who may be trolling the 'net in search of victims. She thinks it's ridiculous and alarmist and refuses to take any such precautions. She actually said that she is more concerned with finding a way to work that story line into a book she's writing, than in worrying about her child being hurt. Mother of the year candidate, right?
Wow. I guess I'm still pretty annoyed on behalf of C. and didn't do too well in the 'keep it generic' department, did I? Eh. Whatever. SIL Bitch needs a smack-down.
Anyway, here is our advice:
Dear C.,
Wow. Your SIL = Crazy Bitch.
I was further (and possibly even MORE) disturbed by her comment about refusing to take information about her son down from her website due to the chance that pedophiles may be trolling the internet, possibly tracking down and kidnapping or otherwise harming her child and rather than being bothered or frightened by the possibility, she instead wonders how she can work that scenario into a BOOK. Jesus. You know, I always joke around that George is dead inside...that his heart is black and icy. But THIS woman? Makes him look positively sappy.
Unfortunately, the way that George and I would both handle the situation involves confrontation. LOTS of it. I recall you saying that you aren't a fan of that, but hear us out.
George's advice:
Wow. What a [expletive I can't post here]. Just off the top of my head, I would say to SIL: "Well. I'm glad you took our caring about you as an opportunity to publicly slam and humiliate my husband, letting us know exactly what a piece of shit you are. So how 'bout this: Fuck you. You fucking FUCK. I have changed my mind and now hope a terrorist shoves a stick of dynamite up your rotten ass and blows you to pieces. Have a nice day."
That's George's plan o' action; his first inclination. Then he went on to offer the following thoughts:
- Or she can say something like: "You know, I'm really offended by your comments in your blog. You're family, you live in a known high risk area; an area where more than one terrible attack has occurred in the past. We expressed a concern for you, showing you we love and care about you. Rather than appreciating the concern, you instead blast us in your blog, belittling us and our feelings for you and use it as an opportunity to hurt those who love you, making an uncalled for crack about my husband's weight. But hey, you don't have to worry about us giving a shit if you live or die...ever again. Frigging twat."
- If you want to respond in kind, you can pick something about her...something she believes in, is proud of, is passionate about: her utter snobbery, her religious beliefs, her looks, hair, funky crossed eyes, anything, and slam it subtly, giving her a taste of her own medicine.
- You could also start your own website and write entries making fun of the things SHE cares about. When she complains, innocently reply that you thought that that's how you thought she preferred to deal with disagreements of opinion...that privacy and personal respect were anathema to her.
- If you aren't comfortable with addressing her directly, you can ask your husband to bring it up with his brother. In a family disagreement with in-laws, the people who are related should speak about the issue (either first or at the point when the two people having an issue aren't making any progress) and try to find a resolution themselves, diffusing the situation and eliminating a direct confrontation. Even if your husband doesn't care about what she said, if it hurts YOU, it should be dealt with.
Gracie's advice:
I think it's very sad that she's so quick to insult and hurt those who care about her. She seems detached, self-absorbed, snooty, rude, and completely tactless. But...you know...that's just my opinion.
Clearly her icy demeanor displays a shocking lack of love in her life, whether that means she wasn't shown much affection in her childhood, or possibly she was spoiled rotten and wasn't taught proper manners. Who knows? Personally, I agree with George's advice. Her attitude should be addressed (and probably should have been addressed a long time ago, but since the past is the past, all you can do now is deal with the current circumstances). However, since you do care for (and want to remain connected to) your niece, perhaps calling her mother a twat isn't the best way to handle the situation, especially if you want to maintain contact with the little one. You may be the only sweetness and unconditional love she gets, and it certainly can't hurt for her to be witness to compassion and demonstrative love and affection.
That said, you shouldn't allow SIL to walk all over you and your husband. She's learned that she can do this without consequence, and apparently not just to you, but everyone in her life. She's used to saying whatever she feels, no matter how mean or insensitive, and nobody forces her to take responsibility and/or suffer any consequences for the pain she inflicts. It's time for that to stop. People treat us the way we teach them to. And since you mentioned the fact that your husband's brother has been beaten down and neutered by her, there's a chance that, even if your husband does bring this problem to his attention, he either won't do anything about it, or he'll tell her in such a way that mocks you, further lessening her opinion of you; in essence, taking her side from the get-go, ensuring that she doesn't take her anger out on him.
So. You have two choices: continue to accept her assholic behavior toward you and your family, willingly eating her shit to keep the peace, or...put an end to it by offering her a nice, tall glass of Fuck Right Off. George and I both feel that there is no way to address this latest development without confrontation, but that's exactly what seems to be needed here if you're tired of her treatment of you. As mentioned before, people treat us the way we allow them to; the way we teach them to. So...teach her differently. When she makes comments such as those on her site, you should respond with comments such as:
- "SIL, I don't appreciate that sort of comment; While you may not understand or appreciate our concern for you and your family's safety, it's still real, valid and meaningful for US, and we'd appreciate it if you would respect that, regardless of whether or not you agree."
- You should also, preferably during a conversation about this very issue, request that she not discuss your familial disagreements or details on her website without speaking with you first, or at least obtaining your permission to talk about it. Obviously, absent a court order, she can post pretty much anything she wants to, but you should make it very clear that your personal lives are not up for public ridicule without your permission.
- When she rattles off an insult toward you or your family, you can just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it at that, hang up, walk away, or change the subject.
- I prefer the direct, to-the-point: "SIL, comments like that are unacceptable and I want them to stop."
Look, the bottom line here is that there is no law stating that, just because you are related to someone (by blood OR marriage), you have to accept assholic behavior. You are a grown woman and you are in charge of your feelings, your circle of friends, and the hang-up button. Use all freely.
George's final comment (and one with which I agree): "Someone in this situation needs to grow a set and deal with Fuck-Stick-In-Law, because she's a rude friggin' BITCH and she will continue her shit, pushing the limits and will get away with whatever people LET her get away with."
At any rate, C., we're on your side and we hope our advice helped you in some way. And if you'd like? George and I would be HAPPY to call her and deliver this news ourselves (for a small fee, of course). Mwaa-haaaa.ha.ha.HA.
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PS: To those of you all sorts of chomping at the bit to write me a note, chastising what you perceive to be my own hypocrisy in the above advice, please set down your pad and pen. I didn't type that whole mess up there about not posting familial discord on a public website without the slightest hint of irony, believe me. But if you had ANY IDEA how much I DON'T post? You'd be signin' a different tune, friends n' neighbors. Yes indeedy.
Gracie...OUT.
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Someone Arrived Here Searching For....
what is the meaning of a dead bird? [that glass is see-through? oooOOOooo]
poop shy
"forced to smell"
ass ass biiiig
my moms fucking godzilla
"someone i used to be"
screw my sister frera jacque [ew.]
"teach my ass" joan
"lick stinky feet" [...I...think I'll pass]
"can't twist right"
"hard to walk away" paula abdul [ohhhh, I disagree. I think it should be "leaving SKID MARKS" paula abdul]
tasty spleen
big panties
alley boobs
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