Since nothing much 'funny' happened to me in the last 24 hours, I'll provide you with a list of things that I do or experience that explains (in glaring detail) why I am referred to as crazy, nutso, retarded, and various other adjectives, not the LEAST of which translates into a likely diagnosis of O.C.D. (side note: I just found this page and a quote at the bottom cracked me UP...even though I know it's wrong to laugh about it...yeah, yeah, whatever. it's funny. here: "Most individuals with OCD recognize at some point that their obsessions are coming from within their own minds and are not just excessive worries about real problems, and that the compulsions they perform are excessive or unreasonable. When someone with OCD does not recognize that their beliefs and actions are unreasonable, this is called OCD with poor insight." Hahahahaha. No shit, Sherlock. hahaha)

Sorry...digression is my middle name. Enjoy my list, and please feel free to email your list and I'll post the best ones here tomorrow.

Gracie's Compulsions

• If I'm traveling in a car (even just to the grocery store) and pass by a field with cows, I absolutely HAVE to yell "moo cows!!" there is no explanation, I always get weird looks from the other passengers, and I hate to admit this, but I even do it when I'm alone. Believe me, I've tried to let this compulsion go, and I will pass the cows, noting them without a word, thinking "I don't NEED to say it....see? They're gone and I don't even....MOO COWWWWS!!! ...dammit."

• Every time I hear someone hammering, I have to say "cooooome IIIIinnnnn" It's so gay. It's not funny, and yet....gotta do it.

• It is no surprise that I hate commercials. They have become so very, very stupid lately (or perhaps I've just grown more crotchety) and it drives me up. a. wall. Because of this, I feel some inexplicable urge to talk back to these commercials. For instance, this morning on the news station that I hate but have to listen to, they were discussing yet another murder occurring in Gwinnett County, the 28th this year. The newscaster said "..bringing the total this year to 28, and just before Labor Day" (that wasn't the stupid part) "a local minister beseeched the church members to please stop this senseless violence, but it apparently fell on deaf ears." THAT was the stupid part. How many freakin' murderers do YOU know that not only attend church, but LISTEN and OBEY what the guy in the robe says?? Yeah, that's what I thought.

  True, that wasn't a commercial, but I still felt the need to say the above sentence TO MY RADIO while brushing my hair. And nobody was around to hear me.

• When entering my bedroom at night, if I close the door without locking it, I will not need to get anything else from any other part of the house, at all. If, however, I DO lock the door, invariably, on my way to the bed, I will suddenly remember something that I Must Have Now. Nerve-wracking.

• When George is driving, I find it impossible not to use the Passenger Side Brake, grab my purse and chest at the same time, and suck my breath in to signify fear. It drives George bonkers, and I have NO reason to do this. He is a great driver, has never wrecked us and it makes no sense. ....Other than the fact that it prolly REALLY has to do with my being a control freak and can't STAND not being in control

• There are people I never call on the phone unless I have a specific question. I'm just not a phone person. But when I get 2 (or...you know...more) drinks in me? Callin' E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E I've ever met. I'm a TOTAL drunk dialer. And I've been told (repeatedly, so I have to believe it's true) that, the drunker I get, the younger I sound. So there are plenty of people [friends and coworkers alike] who are [usually] amused to receive phone calls from 4-year-old Gracie, slurring and giggling and making zero sense: "iiiiii haffa-go-now-cuz-i-dun-like-blue-but-purple-she's-nice bye!" *click*. I've learned my lesson [read: no I haven't!] about hanging up when their machine answers, rather than choosing to display my drunkenness on their voicemail, preserving it FOR-EV-ERRRR. This is due to snotty friends thinking it's OH SO FUNNY to save the messages, then play them back for coworkers at the office for the next month.

• I break my ....middle? 2nd from the left? What the HELL is that toe's name??? on my right foot at LEAST once or twice a month. It's longer than my big toe and I forget that and smack it into anything and everything hard aaaaall the time. It hurts like a bitch, is constantly colorful, in varying degrees of Summer Bruise-y colors, fashionable, eh?

• Any time I am anything even RESEMBLING 'right' about something, I become giddy, do what George refers to as my 'Happy Dance' and insist that the person (who has now been dubbed Oh So Wrong) sings a song in reverence to my Rightness. They rarely comply.

That's enough for today. I'll continue the list tomorrow.

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Someone got here by searching for: Chewing gum - street - $600.00 [Ed.Note: Dude. You are SO getting ripped off! I can sell you some gum for only $300!!]

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