From: Gracie
To: Smart And Funny Friends (SFF)
George and I were at lunch today and the restaurant was playing old songs from the 80s (yay!) but there was one song that just killed me. It was Corey Hart's Sunglasses at Night. Since the song came out I have never been able to understand what the HELL he was talking about. Oh, I loved him completely and forgave him his horrid enunciation skills, but ever since then, whenever the song came on, I would ignore everything around me and work extra hard to concentrate on the song, hoping that, with each passing year, perhaps one more word or verse would finally become clearer to me.
Not so much.
So this time I hummed the song all the way back to the office so I wouldn't forget and I then pulled up my handy dandy browser and searched for the lyrics, because it threatens to drive me further into an already frightening abyss of OCD. I found the lyrics and am not nearly as happy as I planned to be. Corey? Is retARDED. I offer the lyrics to you below, since I cannot --CANNOT-- be the only one who was never able to understand the words and, now that I DO know what he was saying? I STILL don't understand and am even MORE pissed off than when I was confused and sang along, mumbling non-words that sounded similar to his own noises, but was at least ignorantly blissful, believing that the words DID make sense...I just couldn't hear them properly.
Nope. He's a 'tard.
Still, I feel especially close to Mr. Hart because, aside from sharing [something we both have in common but which I'm not comfortable repeating here....], clearly he's ...you know... totally deep and shit.
;-p *snort*
--------------------------------------------
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Watch you weave [and if I knit? Does that count me out?]
Then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes [see...I prefer the visions in my ears. But I'm quirky that way]
---------------------------------------------
I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Watch you weave
Then breathe your story lines
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes
While she's deceiving me
It cuts my security
Has she got control of me
I turn to her and say
Don't switch the blade
On the guy in shades, oh-no
Don't masquerade
With the guy in shades, oh-no
I can't believe it
'Cause you got it made
With the guy in shades, oh-no
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
Forget my name while you collect your claim
And I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can, so I can
See the light that's right before my eyes
While she's deceiving me
She cuts my security
Has she got control of me
I turn to her and say
Don't switch the blade
On the guy in shades, oh-no
Don't masquerade
With the guy in shades, oh-no
I can't believe it
Don't be afraid
Of the guy in shades, oh-no
It kinda scared you
'Cause you got it made
With the guy in shades, oh-no
Oh, I say I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I say it to you now
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I cry to you
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
-----Original Message-----
From: K
To: SFF
Subject: Re: Depth...
Too funny. These words are really, really stupid. I am afraid to admit I like the song primarily because I thought Corey was hot. Really embarrasing confession, when I went to LA to visit friends we actually saw him in concert. It actually was the 80s though so give me a slight break. Everyone in the crowd mumbled along to his hit song ;)
K
-----Original Message-----
From: Gracie
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Oh, no need to be ashamed. unless you mind that I copied the girls on this just so they could laugh at my forthcoming admission of prior idiocy....
i thought Corey = SO VERY HOT too!! i luuurrrrrrved him. and i thought we were destined to marry because [we had this thing in common] and wouldn't he think that was sooooo cool? and I bet he would rilly, rilly like my long blonde hair and MAN we'd make a great couple and how sad he must be...out there in hollywood with all that cash just sittin' home, waitin' for Gracie to dance into his life! God. i was even worse then than i am now, if that's possible.
i was not allowed to go to concerts when i was a teenager, because my mother was convinced that, at every concert, people handed out pot at the door (which she truly believed caused you to jump off a highway overpass, thinking you could FLY) and the children would no longer be good kids and would, forevermore, refuse to be productive members of society, once The Drugs took over. So I only went to 3 concerts by the time I was 21 and two of them I lied about where I was going to be, just so I could experience live music. Here they are:
Billy Idol at six flags (for years I bragged about how special I was that I knew he wore leather pants with no underwear and i knew this because, at this concert, there was a hole in his hot leather pants and you could see __you know__ and I never did admit, while telling this Gracie = In-The-Know fascinating story, that I was too chicken to actually look at 'It' myself and instead based my claim of this solely on the word of my friend who attended the concert with me, who *did* claim to have seen it and I just pretended that I, too, was brave and naughty enough to gape at 'It'. and how sad is it that a 30-something, aging rock star had to --allegedly-- go panty-less for a bunch of mid-teens??? ...she says, hoping that will seem WAY WORSE than the fact that I lied for years about having seen Billy's package...)
Ratt (with Poison as their opening act. god how we laughed at the 'get it?? RATT...POISON...heeehaawww!'. So corny. Also, I was wasted --guess mom was right!!-- so I remember NOTHING of the concert).
And...drum roll please....DONNIE AND MARIE. But don't give me crap, cause I was only about 10 years old (somehow that still doesn't seem to make it better. especially since I felt famous-by-association because they came into the aisles and sang part of one song ...3 people down from me. And, -god, I can't believe I'm going to admit this- as soon as we left the concert and for approximately one year after that, I forced everyone to call me by my middle name -Marie- because she and I were practically SISTERS now!)
Finally, to drive home my dorkhood (which started out as a small "don't feel bad about liking Corey Hart!" email): I also -for years I'm not proud to admit- put on concerts not just for my own parents, but the ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD starting around nine years of age--I was director, singer, actress, and general bossy-bitch, yelling orders to all the other kids, freaking out when they'd forget their lines, and I would sing donnie and marie songs, would put together song montages and fake interviews on cassette tapes and would choreograph dance numbers for all the kids to perform, and -here we go- actually put on a full recreation of the movie Grease (more than once!) and forced the whole neighborhood to sit through the whole double-album while (mostly *I* cause I was the best ) acted out the movie and I was, of course, Olivia Newton-John's character and our props consisted of a tiny den, a closet, a bedspread nailed to particle board and my father's homemade tin-covered garage light. and I made my brother in charge of lighting and would skuh-REEEEEAM bloody murder and force them to start the whole scene over again if he wobbled on the kitchen chair he was forced to stand on, screwing up my spotlit version of Hopelessly Devoted to You (sung after my costume change into my mother's silk nightgown, complete with tears and TOTAL over-dramatization) and I even went further and insisted that the end scene...at the fair when they sing We Go Together? Be conducted outside using our neighbor's jungle gym, meaning the whole neighborhood had to exit my house and trudge 3 houses down to the neighbor's back yard. *CRINGE*. Hey! We set up lawn chairs and passed out kool-aid!
Sigh.
I'll understand if you no longer want to be friends with me.
-----Original Message-----
From: Anastasia Beaverhausen
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Dude....I saw the Ratt/Poison tour. I think I still love the lead singer from Ratt, I remember thinking he was H-O-Double T - HOTT! Stephen Pearcy? I think that was his name.
-----Original Message-----
From: K
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Since you opened up into the hair band era, I have a few entries for those:
1. bullet boys
2. poison
3. skid row
4. whitesnake
5. la guns
That is all I am giving up at this time. Yikes. I actually dated a guy in a hair band - guitar player - are you ready????? the name of the band was Intimate Acts. Subtle.
K
-----Original Message-----
From: C
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Uhhhh...how do I say this? I went to see RICK SPRINGFIELD! :) He kept
lifting his leg throughout the concert like he was a dog peeing on a
hydrant. So hot, right? I couldn't hear for days because of the
screaming girls.
I wanted to be Mrs. Noah Drake.
-----Original Message-----
From: Pheebs
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
man, I'm so jealous. I was SURE I was going to be Mrs. Noah Drake.
My big concert story (until Earth Wind and Fire, where I was definitely
easy to spot in the crowd) - I won tickets to see Starbuck at Georgia
State. Even after the *SMASH* hit "Moonlight Feels Right", they played
the minor league circuit. Has-beens or never-wases (were?)? The trivia
question that I answered - "Where was Oliver Hardy (of Laurel and Hardy)
born?" Answer: Harlem, GA. No, I was not dorky enough to know it - I had
a movie encyclopedia that I looked it up in. Now why I took the time to
look it up and call in to the radio station, I have no idea.
Now that is a seriously pitiful story, isn't it?
-----Original Message-----
From: Gracie
To: SFF
Subject: Re: Depth...
I was Olivia Newton John with a tin light and particle board. I changed
my name to be more like an OSMOND. I think you're safe, pheebs.
;-p
-----Original Message-----
From: Pheebs
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Yes, but you've never had anyone actually tell you that you looked like
an Osmond, have you? I used to get that all of the time - when my hair
was darker.
Of course, I've had people say I looked like Jamie Lee Curtis (when I
had really short hair) and Sigourney Weaver.
Marie Osmond, Jaimie Lee Curtis, and Sigourney Weaver.
And they were meant as COMPLIMENTS! Yikes. (A post partum maniac, a
thought-to-be hermaphrodite, and someone who is about 15 years older
than I am.)
-----Original Message-----
From: Gracie
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Then again....
-----Original Message-----
From: Pheebs
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
heyyyy!
-----Original Message-----
From: C
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Better than a stranger coming up to you in a restaurant saying you look
like Rosie O'Donnell! Good Lawd. (back in the darker hair days)
-----Original Message-----
From: Pheebs
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
So there was the guy in the bar who said I was the most beautiful woman
he had ever seen. Then he asked if (my husband) was my son. There is
NO WAY to make that come out right.
-----Original Message-----
From: K
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
So there was this guy in a bar in tampa (univerisity student) who was talking to me and mentioned he was attending USF and I said I graduated from USF. He looked at me closer and said, How old are you? and i told him (at the time i was 31). He looked shocked. Then he looked me over --up and down-- and said "Wow, you are well preserved."
Are you kidding me? At 31 I am being compared to a mummy. Nice. Needless to say I never went to that bar again.
K
-----Original Message-----
From: Gracie
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
oh. my. GOD. what a jackass!!
-----Original Message-----
From: C
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
Hear hear! Jackass was an understatement. And then there's the guy Pheebs was talking about. Serious dick material. (although, Pheebs, you are kinda beautiful - and I'm not saying that like from a lesbian perspective or anything)
What the hell is wrong with people???
-----Original Message-----
From: Gracie
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
"...and I'm not saying that like from a lesbian perspective or anything..."
LMAO
-----Original Message-----
From: C
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
I'm just sayin! :)
-----Original Message-----
From: Pheebs
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
well, with that striking resemblance to Rosie O, I can see where she might want to add the caveat.
You people are too funny!
-----Original Message-----
From: K
To: SFF
Subject: RE: Depth...
wow. we are all weirdly entertaining.
K
Hee. I heart my friends.
