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Before we get to the stories, I have a few items I'd like to direct you all to. I've added lots of nifty new stuff to the store and I just wouldn't be a good self-promoter if I didn't link to them here!
Irreverent Holiday Greeting Cards - some normal ones, some not. We offer full customization, too, so if you like something on the page and want to add your own message to the inside, want a slight variation, or even if you have your own photos that you'd like to use instead, just drop me a note and I'll be happy to work something out. I'll only charge a few dollars above the base cost. There is a discount on all greeting cards and ornaments for the next few days (and free shipping on all orders of $50.00 or more through December 20, 2006.
Sofa King - you have to read it out loud, exactly as it's written...may take a few minutes to figure out what it means. It took a few of my family members nearly 30 minutes to do so. By the time they got it (or we told them) I was, literally, in tears.
Ding Fries - from the classic video that brought most of you here!
As always, we have the regular products (that you may not know about):
For new and soon-to-be parents (and their relatives): http://www.cafepress.com/americanangst/1621317 (great way to announce the happy news!)
Cancer products (100% of profits donated to cancer research): http://www.cafepress.com/americanangst/1239676
Support Our Troops: http://www.cafepress.com/americanangst/1797060 (adding more family members every day)
Funny Products: http://www.cafepress.com/americanangst/1571282 (though this isn't the only section of humorous items; these are just geared more toward females)
There are plenty of others, but I'm starting to link to the whole store, which is...silly. Just go check stuff out, aw-ite? http://www.cafepress.com/americanangst
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Miss Gracie has been ridiculously busy this week, trying to get a kajillion things done before going on vacation. I cannot fully relax and enjoy my time off (which will be anything BUT relaxing and calm regardless...cause I'm just retarded that way) until I have done as much as I possibly can for my job. Never thought *I* would become a work-aholic, but...seems things change, yunno?
So anyway, George has been wonderful...taking care of dinner and the puppies every night. Without me even having to ASK him. Good hubby, right? Right! So I told him yesterday that a'cuz he's been so super-duper-hubby-ish this week, that I would be cooking him mountains of tasty goodness during our week off. I was making the grocery list for said Gracie Cooking Extravaganza and since George planned to make chili one night in the next seven days, I needed to know what ingredients he needed. Of COURSE he had to piss me off....
Don't worry, though. I returned the favor.
Gracie: "So what ingredients do you need for chili?"
George: "Meat?"
Gracie: "AND?"
George: "Peppers?"
Gracie: "How many?"
George: *Shrugs*
Gracie: "SIGH. Should I just guess, then??"
George: "Well I duNNO. I just grab whatever's around and toss it in. I don't..."
*and this next part was said with much flair n' arrogance*
"...have A RECIPEEEEE."
Oh good grief. As though it's an art form I can't possibly comprehend, this chili. That it's almost spiritual and on a level I simply don't have access to.
Okee-dokee! Let's play then.
Gracie: "Well...we don't have anything here. at ALL. So do you think you could give me a hint or three...help me out here? So I can provide you the general tools you'll need to perform your utter MAGIC in the kitchen, oh Master O' Chili???"
George: "oh fuck YOU!"
Marriage = FUN.
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When George came home today, he mentioned that someone complimented him on his new flannel shirt....
Gracie: "Oh yeah? Who?"
George: "Some smoker lady at work."
Gracie: "Ohhh, and do you LOVE her??"
George: "I do NOW."
Gracie: "Jerk. So what'd she say?"
George: "I dunno. Somethin' about my shirt. I hate compliments. And she prolly won't be giving 'em anymore cause you KNOW how well I take compliments."
Gracie: "Oh god...what'd you DO??"
George: "I said 'uh...okay...right...whatever...thanks?'"
Gracie: "You are such a jerk!"
George: "WHY???"
Gracie: "Because she was just being NICE."
George: "But I don't know what to DO with things like that!"
Gracie: "You just say 'Thank you! ...My WIFE picked it out!"
George: "Hehe, yer FUNNY. No. People just need to leave me alone. I don't NEED compliments or people to be nice to me. Ever. They should just ignore ME and I will just ignore THEM!"
Gracie: "How have you gotten thru LIFE?"
George: "...Quietly?"
Gracie: *Rolls eyes*
George: "Y'know, I could get through life NO PROBLEM with just a room, a television, a radio, a computer..."
Gracie: "You have noooooo idea you're saying something hurtful right now...do you?"
George: *Look appears that says, UHT-OHHH! WHAT'D I DO!?, and then attempts to recover...badly* "...and YOU!!! Just THOSE things and YOU!!" *and then he smiles expectantly...clearly hoping that I'll actually BUY that*
Gracie: "Nice try."
George: *Purses lips, as is required for the next step in this ever-present scenario, which means 'I'm caught. I'm Busted. I'm caught AND busted. Also dumb. Reeeally, reeeally dumb. Toooootally shutting up now.'*
Aaaaand, such is our daily dance.
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Later on, I was working on more store products. While I love the site that provides the backbone of the store for people like me, it has SERIOUS server issues (lately) during peak hours. So, as usual, what should be an hour job has turned into FOUR and, once again, I'm having an image problem for no discernible reason and I say--to myself and out of complete frustration--"WHY??"
And George, who was engrossed in a hockey game, says: "You HATE me???"
Gracie: "...WHAT???"
George: "You hate me?"
Gracie: "The HELL??"
George: "Did you just say you HATE me?"
Gracie: "...uh...NO. I said 'WHY?' to the store...having an image issue."
George: "Oh...I, uh...thought you said you hate me."
Gracie: "No. Geeeez."
George: "Okay."
Gracie: "...I was just THINKIN' it."
George: "Ohhhh, fuck YOU!"
Hehe
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Someone Arrived Here Searching For....
humorous get well cards for shingles
feefee e-mail yahoo
christmas shopping sucks
nadia oh oates space cowboy
do lizards masturbate?
paulding county georgia sucks
burger kind
boooooobies
"american sayings" "good to know"
biker nicknames
enod era seirf gnid [WHY?? Interestingly...the host they used is elgoog.rb-hosting.de ..so strange.]
american garbage truck pictures [again...WHY??]
ashlee simpson hair [thousands of these today. I hate to repeat myself, but...the HELL?? WHY!??]
american idol - financial statement
america hilton f*cking
britney spears trash [I'll take "Stating the Obvious" for $200, Alex!]
doggie [hoooowwww much ya wanna bet that MY site was hardly what they were looking for??]
wicked porn sicko [are you looking for someone in particular? Or is this your handle??]
"yes, dad i will"
making fun of burgerking [aka: parody. aka: satire. aka: hi!]
making paper hats
proud to be square
what do you wear to the trans-siberian orchestra? [PAPER HATS!!!]
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