My Heating and Air guy thinks I’m marriage material. I’ve obviously done something wrong here.
Allow me to frame the scene:
Today, since I am a woman of leisure these days, I went to see my personal trainer after dropping Jake off at school. After an hour of throwing weights around and doing ball lifts (don’t ask – it’s almost as obscene as it sounds), I came home and promptly went for a brisk walk. (I’m having a low self-esteem day, so working out a bit seemed to be the correct cure.) When I returned to my soon-to-be-former home, there was a message from my Heating and Air guy’s mother letting me know that her son was on his way to do the yearly maintenance on the heating system. Excellent news, except that I’m still really gross and sweaty from working out. But it’s just the 23-year-old who changes the filters, so there’s no real harm in being seen without makeup or clean hair. Besides, I have to sweep out the very dirty garage, so I’m cool with being gross for a while. It’s important to the integrity of this tale that you understand that I was an absolute sight.
The young man arrives. Before he goes on the quest to the attic to clean up the heater, he spends a few minutes letting me know that he’s taking over the business from the owner. I applaud his initiative and congratulate him on his new responsibilities, thinking that the pleasantries are over.
No. Apparently, they’re not.
We chat for another 10 minutes about how happy he is to be back to help me with the house until, thankfully, my phone rings, and I manage to get away from him. I’m thinking, at this point, that he’s obviously very chatty and has a very solitary job and that today is really not the best day for me to have to entertain random people who are working on my house. I go back to the garage.
When he is finished with the work and filling out the paper work, I write a check, and then he starts talking to me again. This time, it’s about how, now that he’s got his professional life under way, he’s looking for a wife. This startles me. I was unaware that men approached marriage this way – “I think it’s time for marriage. Oh look, there’s a girl now.” He tells me about his most recent forays into dating. He tells me what he’s looking for in a wife. He tells me what his projected income stream is and what he likes to do in his spare time. Gradually, during this already surreal conversation, I realize with horror that he’s not just practicing his pitch.
I begin deflection and evasion.
I mention the 10-year marriage that failed. He has no problem with former marriages. I mention the kid. He loves kids and has no problem disciplining children. I mention that when he’s my age, he’ll realize that he should have waited until he was 30 to decide to “go find someone to marry.” At this point, the subject of age is surfaced. He becomes aware, to his dismay, that I’m only two years younger than his MOTHER, but then he says, “I think older women have a lot to offer a younger man.” Holy crap, Batman.
My next line? “Wow! Look at the time! I really have to get back to that garage! It’s been lovely chatting with you, and I hope you find that sweet girl you’re looking for.” He walks to the door with me excruciatingly slowly, telling me how I can call on him for anything at all. If I ever need anything. Really.
Oh my God.
I was already struggling with this whole dating concept – determining gradually that I don’t want to leave my house anymore. Now, not even my home is safe.
Jae
