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So, here are my comments on tonight's show and a few notes sprinkled throughout about yesterday's show. A lot of them are just the things I yelled at the television and weren't...to anyone in particular. I'm too tired to clean them up any more than I already have. It's almost midnight. My entries typically take several hours from start to finish...just for one, and it's exhausting, as much as I love it. And with my decreased time and since I'm actually writing for my job now, it's even harder to make myself do it after work. So I hope/think that if I just stop being so anal and obsessive about my entries, I'll do them more often. We'll see.

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We loved Carrie Underwood's performance and her pure, absolutely stunning voice. I really think she is the best all around Idol winner of them all. She can do soft, low, and also powerful and amazing notes as well, and without shrieking.

George actually made the comment tonight that "She's not hot... ...She's beautiful" which is a big compliment for George and much more effusive than he is...almost ever (shhhh, their penis shrinks if people know they're nice at home. Pretend he's a dick so he doesn't lose Manly-Man Points!).

I also loved seeing Clive Davis present Carrie with the 6,000,000 records sold award, because--and this is what's so great about this show--we feel like we had a part in sending her there. Because we followed her journey from audition, to growing and evolving on the show, week after week, then after her win, seeing her progress and explode on the charts, and becoming this amazing superstar, still retaining her genuine humility and sweetness (especially in the face of Lied-Through-Her-Teeth Bitch Faith Hill and Admitted-Outright-Bitch Leann Rimes). So it's almost parental watching a moment tonight with Clive giving her such credit on the show's finale. And her gratitude was terrific (learn a lesson Jennifer Hudson!). It made me get all misty. Much like how everyone was in the audience after Carrie sang...nobody else got that response. Says a LOT.

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We had to fast-forward through a lot of the other montage-singing-group-crap. Our muscles were spasming from all the cringing and squirming from the discomfort of it all.

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Last Night:

Oh god. When Blake screwed up the words to Bon Jovi's song? The one people refuse to accept is NOT titled "Shot through the Heart" but is, in actuality, "You Give Love a Bad Name" ...when he started off with an incorrect lyric like "you load your gun" ...? George lost it. And then went to bed because this wasn't worth his time. Sadly George then missed out on "you're to blame and i play your game" ?? dude. It's bad enough you WRECKED a golden nugget from my childhood, cheesy though it may be, and I really tried to give you credit for remaining true to your BeatBox Thing, your "hook" if you will, but...COME ON. LEARN THE WORDS!!! (And learn a few more moves, would ya?? Good grief. Open your jacket, as though what's beneath is oh-so-hot and then you...grab your pants...wiggle your feet. Lather. Rinse, repeat. Gah.)

ohhh shocking Paula gave heaping praise to Contestant-With-The-Penis. Ohhh what a surprise. Cannot bring herself to criticize a man, ANY man. So desperate.

Blake's "O" face when he sings. Apparently unable to do any note above alto without throwing back his head and making an "O" face. And WHY can Randy NOT use his fav "Pitchy" phrase when it truly counts...with BLAKE!?

PS, can we PLEASE lose the cheesy Sittin-on-the-Steps-Cause-it's-a-Slow-Song Triteness? PLEASE!?

after broken wing (one of gracie's fav songs, btw) paula's eloquent response (and couldn't keep from commenting on Jordin's LOOKS, completely clueless about setting a good example and being a role model...ahem, an IDOL) was "Yer in great great vocal tonight." mmmm-HM. G'head. TELL me she's clean. G'head.

Is that how you're short n' succinct paula? Did anyone else hear her a few weeks ago when she griped at Simon that he was useless and had nothing important to share, but at least SHE was short. and succinct. ....

....

WOW. Just...WOW. Denial much?

Oh look, she did it again to Blake later on, "Yer in great voice tonite!" Good grief. It's no wonder she's not complaining about her broken nose...she's too high to notice the pain!!!

I was a little alarmed about who might win when I didn't get a single busy signal for Jordin while voting last night. It's the first time I've voted since I stopped writing about it a few months ago. (Grace refuses to admit how many calls she made last night. It's shameful. And may have swayed the vote or...not. Cause...I...didn't REALLY vote...MUCH. Shuddup.)

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Tonight:

oh god. Sanjaya. Nooooo. Anyone else see that TMZ video of him pretending that his whole Idol "shtick" was a gag for his art thesis?? WHATEVER. And how pissed off do you think Joe Perry was that THAT is who he performed with?? Ugh.

Oh, brother. Look at Bette. She...she doesn't look so good. Oh here we go again. It's the fourth time tonight we have to see that ridiculous "I see something you aren't blessed enough to see in the rafters and...it is GOD and he is smiling on me and my GIFT!"

bette suh-HUCKED. George and Gracie quite meanly (and a little sadly) cracked UP at the hideousness that was her performance, the pinnacle of which had to be her pronunciation of what we THINK was "eagle" but sounded like: "eaaaa, heeee, GOAL."

and then George popped a vein in his head as she said the words "...wind beneath my wings" because....

George: "ohhhh. myyyy. GOOOOOODDDDDD! LOOK!!! she is FLAAPPPING!! for WINGS!! her ARMS!! LOOKIT!!! oh god."

Gracie: "oh no. make it stop. PLEASE make it stop! she's a caricature!!"

ohhhh kelly. You should've listened to Clive, honey. it's bad enough that the songs you sang to get you voted to #1? You never managed to sing like that again, but to publicly stomp your foot in the presence of Clive? Sorry, sweetie, I've been patiently waiting for something like the song you sang for the charity show, and I'm...done. Your new stuff...the stuff you wrote? Isn't good enough to have thrown such a tantrum babe. You lost me. (PS, you don't have the thighs for that dress, toots.) the orgasming cowgirl? sounded like one of those long huge saws that you flip back and forth to make that wobba wobba woooo sound.

ohhhhhh the big bird!! she's RHYMING!!!! George was in another room and I forced him to watch it again because if *I* had to suffer through her jiggly pelvic thrusts and making out with RYAN? SO did HE. He didn't appreciate it much. And got his payback when Sanjaya came on. Ugh.

We did quite a bit of fast-forwarding at the beginning with all the older singers (Smoky Robinson, Gladys Knight, CeeCee Wynans--I have no idea if those are spelled correctly...and don't care) because they were embarrassingly bad. I wish they would do away with this thing nowadays where people perform until they're dead. Save our memories! Let us recall you fondly in your heyday! Invest wisely and GO AWAY while you're still young and fresh and lovely and sound unlike a MOOSE in HEAT, okay?

Here is our discussion around the time Tony Bennett came out:

Gracie: *cringes* "it's like one of those awful vegas dinner theaters!! make it stop!!"

George: "who put this show together? My GRANDMOTHER?!?"

Gracie: *laughs*

George: "seriously. even the rapper was old. and tony bennett? GAWD."

Gracie: *as the camera once again shoots over to Swaying Lush, I mean JUDGE Paula* "Oh Jesus. Can she not go FIVE MINUTES without desperately yanking the attention from anyone and everyone!? SIT DOWN, idiot."

George: "maybe she stands to keep from passing out."

Gracie: *sees the bug-eyed kid and his ...mentally unshiny buddy appear on stage* "ohhhh it's the "PANCAAAAAKES YAAAAAAAAY!" guys!!! oh god. Please no. Not again. They're going to make it worse, aren't they? Ohhh, they're going to talk Bush Babies again. WHY can't they let that DIE?!" *covers eyes* No...oh. did they REALLY just say they sponsored a bush baby in his HONOR?! Um, isn't that...just as bad as what Simon did?!

George: *shocked* "yyyyyyyyuh-HUH."

Gracie: "Bette...ohhhh what is WRONG with her!? See? ryan has it right! he has that plastered grin like 'I know I'm in the presence of someone who used to be great and i should be thankful and happy and thrilled (like phony-ass paula) but...this SUCKS...'"

George: *picks up where gracie left off... mimics ryan's fake grin* "is it...over? is it done? is that really her? did we just get PLAYED? what the HELL!?"

Gracie: "ohhh, you know it's bad when JERRY SPRINGER is CRYING!"

Gracie: "um...is someone who produced the show planning on taking a dirt nap? Is this a goodbye message? what the hell is with all the suicide songs?? i know it's honoring the beatles, but...this is depressing and...weird."

Gracie: *In response to Kelly and her very unfortunate outfit* "ohhh, honey. You should NOT be bouncing. Ohhh and the chipmunk voice is back. Man, I have NOT missed that."

George: "yeah, she wasn't like that until about mid-season and she never let it go. unlike kelly, carrie continues to use the voice she won with. she honors the people who voted her famous and rich. kelly sang to get that far and then did an immediate left turn and departed her style that we loved so much."

Gracie: "oh gawd. ruben is singing lucy in the sky with diamonds?! make it stop" and then went further and yelled, as he usually did when he was too out of breath to finish a line or, you know, show respect for a song: "come own ever'body!" ....for LUCY in the SKY.

Gracie: *Upon Jordin's name being announced* "YES!!! We were right!!" ...few minutes pass, then: "Wow...this is odd...it's ...something's missing...."

George: "not much celebration going on there, though, huh?"

Gracie: "I know! I'm telling you, that whole arena was Blake all the way. It's like she's a Republican in a sea of Democrats. Very odd."

George: "where the hell is the glitter and confetti?!"

Gracie: "...i dunno. maybe they don't think Jordin deserved it?"

George: "THERE it is! but...why is it all over the audience?? Shouldn't it be on the winner??"

Gracie: "this is very weird."

and...it was over.

I think now I realize I'm done with the show. (Shhh, I will SO be able to resist watching the mean auditions next season! You don't KNOW me!)

Gracie: "You know old when you experience more emotion relating to the pride the parents feel toward their child than the joy of the winner. sigh."

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