I have a confession....
I didn't really stop watching American Idol.
I meant to, I really did. I was disgusted with them. With it all. We would fast forward through the majority of the show (especially that hideous and useless 'group montage song' they do each week. Idiotic.) I was sick of the asinine practice of having the singer we all hated enough to vote off ...SINGING on their way out. Why the HELL don't they have the person with the HIGHEST VOTES sing, hmmm? WHY? And let's not forget the fact that most of these kids are actually pretty good singers until they get into the clutches of the deaf ass Idol vocal coach who teaches them that they won't be a huge hit unless they adopt an Alvin & The Chipmunks voice waver in any and all songs they sing, henceforth. I will not rest until at least ONE judge or music mogul or ANYONE mentions that stupid trembling, forced, stupid sounding chipmunk heeee-heeee-heeee they do. Carmen Rasmusen from a previous season took it to new heights but Elliot is making it his own. I H-A-T-E it.
So I was all set to give it up. But...we forgot to cancel the Tivo season pass. And I saw it in the list when I was looking for something else and, well...I watched. I had to. And I just kept on having to. I know...I'm weak.
Whatever, I just have to bitch about a few things. I have to. First? Chris Daughtry? Frickin' ROBBED, man. Frickin' ROBBED.
Second, I would like to predict that Kat will be kicked off the show tomorrow night. Why? Not because she isn't good 'cause bitch can SING. She's better than Taylor and Edie Ameen combined. No, she'll be kicked off because her phone numbers were broken. I can't count how many times I called each of her three numbers tonight and it just rang off the hook or it rang three times and then hung up on me. I called several dozen times and got voting confirmation (her recorded voice thanking 'me' for voting for her) ONCE. Just once. I'm telling you, this whole thing is rigged.
Third, there's no WAY I can't talk about Paula 'Alkie' Abdul. Bitch is GONE man. Lack of steady dick has seriously wrecked her. Well...that and the intoxicating mix of pills and tequila.
Yet another thing about Drunky McLush that makes my skin crawl and my eyes roll involuntarily? The way she insists, each week, on condescendingly telling Kat how pretty and 'stunning' she looks. SO tired of that. It's trite and stupid. She's clearly misogynistic. Just hates women. When a guy sings? She says they nailed it and are amaaaaayshing and hannnnnnsyyyome. When it's a girl? Especially a pretty girl who reminds her of who she will NEVER be again? She bitches that she/they shouldn't sing songs by famous people cause she/they'll be compared to them. Uhhhh, helllloooo??! ALL songs they sing were done by OTHER PEOPLE. DUH! She just can't give credit to anyone with a buhjina. She's just a sad twit who can't accept the fact that she's aging.
So anyway, Paula was assigned to Elliot for song choice. She picked What you won't do for love and, when Ryan asked her WHY she slurred: "Waay-uhh, he'sss yust so...everrrr weeken' dass wha heeesss about." Uuhhhh....wha? He's not like that every week? No, no...she knows of him on the WEEKEND. Niiiiiice. Guess we know who's gettin' the special Paula Lurrrrv this season!
I can't stand him. I'm sure he's a nice kid and I know it's mean to let someone's goofy head influence my vote, but DUDE. If you're going to insist on taking the vocal coach literally and doing that moronic and forced voice warble will puckering your lips? Then you had BETTER get a better haircut and lookup a dentist or three. *Shudder*
I think I should create products for the AmericanAngst store that say "Fire the Idol Vocal Coach!" or "Ban the Chipmunk!"
George is convinced that Elliot is destined for elevator muzak. He gave me a sampling of Yamin's future by way of Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugaaaaar on Meeeeee and AC/DC's Back in Black, along with a little Ozzy and Metallica mixed in for good measure...all of which were sung by George in horrific, sappy, cruise ship muzak fashion, much like Pat Boone during his mentally unstable Heavy Metal years. *Shudder Squared*
And....I think he's probably right.
Oh and P.S., Randy? The Dog Pound is SO retarded. Have I said that before? Have I? Cause NOBODY'S listening! ...on the show I mean. So I'm making another promise. If Kat gets voted off? Which I'm sure she will be since they didn't bother to give her working numbers? I am done. I'm already pissed off that CHRIS who was the most talented contestant...EVER got voted off before idiot impersonator Taylor and YAMIN. But if the wildly talented and adorable Kat gets the boot? That's it. No I MEAN it this time.
God, I am so very ashamed that I couldn't stop watching. I need help. I need an Idol Intervention. Seriously.
