So my in-laws were over recently and we were sitting around the pool. We've been having problems with the frogs that were used to emigrating from the pond in the next neighborhood to our swamp-like pool for all the years that the pool was a nasty green science experiment (I have pictures, but they are too gross even for ME to show.)
My father-in-law noticed yet another frog in the pool, a rather large one, and jumped up to skim him out of the pool. Now, since the dogs go NUTS when they see us fishing frogs out of the pool, thinking they are snacks, it is a necessity that the person doing the fishing acts swiftly and carefully. They must scoop up the frog, raise it high over the heads of the increasingly spastic dogs, swing it over toward the fence, and give the pole a good shake, letting the frog fall gently onto the pine needles on the other side of the fence. This is their clue that the resort is CLOSED and they should go back home to Pondville.
The night previous, we were all sitting around the pool much like we were now. My son was taking great delight in teasing the dogs while he was skimming various items (leaves, pine needles, frogs) out of the pool. He also decided to improvise. He got a good-sized frog on his skimmer; the dogs proceeded to try to knock him over to get at it; because he was still quite far from the fence, and because he is not as tall as we are, meaning Closer to the Jaws of Dogs, he chose to forego the trip to the fence, and instead FLUNG the poor thing from where he was, 20-30 feet away. It was pretty dark out, but we all were able to see the underbelly of this hapless creature sooooaring through the air on his way over the fence, his legs flailing greatly, trying to find something, anything to grab onto. The dogs were fascinated. The rest of us, without thinking, cracked up. I tried (VERY HARD!) to scold my son, but I was laughing too hard, along with my in-laws and husband, to be very convincing.
The next evening, my father-in-law thought it would be cute to imitate my son's action while getting this most recent frog (I PRAY that it wasn't the same frog.) The problem with this was that dad-in-law was at the other end of the pool, and turned the opposite way. He miscalculated (hugely!) and performed the Frog Fling the wrong way. That is to say, Toward US.
Well of COURSE I had to scream. I may collect frogs, but not REAL ones. They are slimy and they hop and I have long hair that sticks to frogs and I just can't deal with this, ohhhhh no no no no no. I look up through the trees to see the same damned under-belly rapidly approaching the glass table we are currently gathered around. It is coming at us in shockingly slow motion. I begin to yell with increasing volume. As my eyes follow the path of the approaching amphibian, my mother-in-law comes into view, also following it's descent. With a KerPLAAAAT the frog lands on the table on the corner between George and his mother. Apparently George wasn't really paying attention, because he didn't realize what was happening until the thing splatted onto the table, directly in front of him. His eyebrows shoot up onto the top of his head, his eyelids disappear and his mouth forms itself into a perfectly round 'O' - he leaps backward in his chair, which causes the 2 front legs of his seat to come completely off the ground, triggering a wheelie of sorts. His arms start flailing and, realizing he's about to fall, starts kicking his legs and feet (which is apparently a Saving Action that I've never learned) - unfortunately, this just propels him backward FASTER.
Meanwhile, my mother-in-law is not at ALL focused on her falling son, because the frog has landed facing her. They lock eyes in a nearly romantic fashion. She realizes milliseconds before it happens that the frog is unable to jump anywhere other than where he is looking, which happens to be in her general direction. This frog is huge and coming at her. He takes off, she begins yelling, he lands on her lap, she grabs the sides of her dress and yanks, performing a 'popping' action, which flings the frog at George, who is still falling, but making an impressive attempt to extend the process.
The dogs have been watching this whole ordeal in fascination, and immediately leap toward the frog, who lands JUST before George does, and Gracie, who you'll be pleased to note is STILL screaming that odd, high-pitched song titled "Yyyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaoooooooooooaaaa!!!!" takes off running to save the frog from the dogs. Mom-in-law is still hopping around and howling, smacking her dress, making sure the frog really did go someplace else, I'm now laughing so hard I can't breathe, the dogs are fighting over the frog, and George is partially hanging from the railing of the fence, where his arm was caught during his fall, the rest of him is tangled in the wrought-iron of his chair.
Dad-in-law calmly strolls over to us and says: "Huh. Guess I should've thrown it beHIND me, huh?"
I love this family. We're going to get along juuuust fine.
