February 20, 2007
Bozo the Judge....

 

I've had the news on in the background while I work and they've been playing the Anna Nicole Smith courtroom coverage throughout the day and I am so appalled that I have to write. Has anyone else been listening? Is anyone else beyond shocked at the behavior of Judge Larry Seidlin?? He's completely incompetent. He's made a complete mockery of this case. He's constantly cracking jokes (and the ass-kissing attorneys who aren't representing Howard K. are hurting themselves to be the ones laughing the longest and hardest at each and every so-called "joke") and ignoring the reasons FOR this case (namely that a woman has died and a decision needs to be made about where she should be buried), refusing to adopt a somber and reserved and mostly SILENT attitude as any judge with any sense and intelligence and a modicum of decency would have done from the outset. It's a disgrace.

Just a few examples of what shocked me: he clearly hates the lawyer from Texas (Anna Nicole's mother's attorney, I believe), repeatedly referring to him as "Tex" and "Texas". He's asked him rhetorical questions, punctuated with things like, "Awrite Texas?" and after what sounded like a legitimate objection, the judge tossed out: "Awww, yer just HUNGRY, Texas...I know, I know" and the lawyer, baffled, responds as politely as possible, "Uhh, no actually I'm NOT hungry, judge. I just want to..." and he's cut off again before he can finish with what I can only imagine was "...make sure at least SOMEONE in this courtroom does the right thing!" which is saying a lot since I can't stand Anna Nicole's mother and don't believe for a second that she should have any say at all in her daughter's burial decisions. I have no idea what actually happened between the two of them, but the fact that within the last few months, Anna Nicole went on television and vehemently told the world how much she hated her mother and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her...should be enough. Right or wrong...no matter the reasons, this sad, sad woman died feeling this way and her wishes should be honored. I can't believe it's going on and on and on and that there is any question here.

Sorry...tangent. Back to Tex. The judge continued his utter disrespect throughout the short period the lawyer was actually allowed to speak to the witness, stopping him pretty much in the middle of every question, stepping in to ask the witness questions he thinks 'tex' would (or should) have asked, then smugly commenting on his behavior about how 'unique' he is and how cute and funny and how he just gets sucked in. Unbelievable.

He also keeps acting for the cameras, for the unseen audience, who he thinks are ignorant of the law and keeps 'teaching' 'tex' on how to question a witness. He even stopped at one point just after 'tex' got started (sorry...don't know his name since the judge wasn't respectful enough to refer to him professionally by his actual name) and had some audience member off to the side stand up and start asking the witness questions! This is insane! The guy didn't even know what the judge wanted from him. Clearly Bozo the Judge wanted to have a television "Moment" that would be talked about for years to come, hoping for an (unscripted) bomb to be dropped by having this guy stand up in the middle of the case and ask shocking and brilliant questions, but...he had NO CLUE what the judge was doing and why, and he said as much. The sound wasn't great, but it even sounded as though the guy was saying something along the lines of "iiiii don't really know what you're going for here...I hope you aren't trying to make a joke of it..." but that could have just been my wishful thinking. Man oh man, the appellate courts will have a complete field day overturning this idiot's decisions so fast it'll blow hair off people's heads like Britney Spears on a Friday night!

Sorry. Baaaaad joke.

In the end, I have NO doubt what's really going on here. This judge is camping it up for the cameras. He wants to show Hollywood and the public just how cute he is, how relaxed and natural and good-natured and funny he is and how much he supposedly knows so he can get his own Judge Judy-type show. It's horrible. Especially since he clearly DOESN'T know as much as he thinks he does. I'm watching these things and while I know that each state's laws are different, he is still making blunders. The laws of evidence alone are being stomped over without a second glance and I can't believe nobody can step in and do something here. Of course...why am I surprised? Judge Larry Seidlin is a former cabby who got his law degree at night school. Not that there's anything WRONG with that, but ...might explain a bit.

Gah. I just can't believe how unprofessionally this has been handled. How ridiculously far away from the salient points it's traveled. I wonder when someone is going to complain to the state bar. When someone is going to pull him aside and smack him with a clue about his behavior. I just can't believe what a circus this is. Especially with such a simple issue...something that should've been resolved in less than 30 minutes.

This judge is an embarrassment and doesn't give a shit that there is a dead woman and a baby in the balance...he's auditioning.

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I also can only imagine how happy people like Bald Britney and Drinky McLohan and package-adjusting Richard Simmons all must be that Anna's mess has eclipsed all their crap.

PS, can anyone explain to me why that weird fake-blonde lady who's making the rounds on all the news shows, claiming to be Anna Nicole's best friend, pronounces her name as "Ahhhhhna"? Anna Nicole has referred to herself by name over and over again and she always pronounced it...normally. The hell? This whole thing is bizarre and freakish and I cannot WAIT until it's over.

No seriously...I have loads of other stuff to write about...but this is so crazy it's hypnotic and I need it to be removed--forcefully--from my line of vision.

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On a lighter note, my son had a day off today and since I was busy working and am waiting for a rather large commission check and wanted to have it in my hot hands as soon as possible, I decided to put my son to work. So I did what any hip (NOT lazy!) mom would do: I sent a text message to my son (who was just downstairs...I know, leave me alone) asking him to please go outside and get the mail and bring the trash barrels back up. About 30 minutes later I realized that he never replied and I didn't have any mail in my hands, so I called him (again: leave me alone) and he insists that the mail hasn't come. I decide that he's just using this as an excuse to continue playing his computer game and can't possibly know that the mail HASN'T come.

Gracie the Mom: "Really? Cause I could swear I heard the mail truck go by about four hours ago"

The Kiddo: "Well..then...psycho neighbor may be stealing our mail again OR we didn't get anything"

That's awfully specific, I think to myself, (also it reminds me that I still haven't told my lovely readers about our crazy-ass neighbor--who is likely entering his mid-sixties and sometimes hangs out his back windows and screams RAP lyrics...to NOBODY--and make a mental note to DO that one of these days, even though I'm convinced he's a serial killer who hides bodies in his yard and basement and will likely chew on me with delight for exposing him...and go on with the conversation at hand)

Gracie the Mom: "HOW do you know this??"

The Kiddo: "...caaaaause I'm DOWN HERE?"

And I look out the window to see him down there, just as he said he was.

Gracie the Mom: "Oh HI! There you are!"

The Kiddo: "Yeeeees. There I are." It's so enjoyable when your child speaks to you with sarcasm like maple syrup dripping from every word. I chose to ignore it, this time, and just play along...trapping him as I am wont to do.

Gracie the Mom: "I didn't realize you were down there. You left so quietly I didn't hear you. haha."

The Kiddo: "I tend to do that"

Gracie the Mom: "Really now? Well, I guess i'll just have to spy on you more often, then, huh?"

All joy left his voice and teenage attitude returned, "NooooooOOOO" with emphasis raised on the last part of the word, almost like a question.

Mom laughs and says "Haha! I win!" and Somber and Annoyed Kiddo quickly realizes that I was kidding (sort of) and goes back to Happy Fun Jokester Kiddo mode and says, "No you DIDN'T!" and I, of course, insist that I DID win, to which he replies "Whatever. You can't catch me anyway, cause...I'm a NINJA."

Gracie the Mom: "..."

How the HELL do you respond to that? When your 17-year-old son tells you that he's a freakin' NINJA!?

I did what ANY loving mother would do. I laughed--HARD--called him a dork (sorry...a NINJA dork) and hung up on him.

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