We have a Lab/Sheppard mix about 14 years old. She's deaf,
or she chooses not to listen to us, we're not sure which.
When she decides it's time for a walk, which is our twin
sons' responsibility, she doesn't go to them because she
knows they'll ignore her. She goes to my wife and pushes her
head into mom's lap and snorts at her. She'll wait until the
boys have been told it's time to take the dog for a walk,
then she goes to be sure they are actually moving in the
right direction. She has also been known to let out a huge
sigh if her human's aren't paying enough attention to her.
I have finished reading all of the entries in your site. I'm
definitely hooked. I want to let you know that you have
missed out on meeting some of the stupid people in this
world. (lucky you!)
As mentioned above, I have twin sons. When they were babies
we thought they were identical. We had a very large stroller
for them and it drew a lot of attention which was then
focused on the boys inside the stroller.
MANY conversations at the mall went like this:
Stranger: Oh, what beautiful babies. Are they twins?
My wife: Yes, they are.
Stranger: Are they identical?
My wife: Yes, they are.
STUPID Stranger: Boy and girl?
My Wife: Ummm.... if they ARE identical, how can one be male
and the other be female?!?!?
I once had the pleasure of watching a TV news story about a
house fire in a suburb of Norfolk, Virginia. After the
on-location reporter gave the details, he stuck his
microphone in in the face of a 10-12 year old girl and asked
her what happened.
1. She was very excited/nervous to be on TV.
2. She was very excited/nervous to have seen the fire.
3. She was a hick.
I didn't understand any of what she said except the word
"fahr". She babbled, she pointed, she said "fahr" about
three times.
Why did he choose this one girl to interview? There were
other people in the area.
The final piece of feedback for today comes from Katylle who wrote a rant about Columbus Day. Enjoy, and thanks Katylle!
The Columbus Day Rant.....
(AKA Don't You Shake Your Head At *ME* Ms. Burch! You had a hand in rewriting that song too!)
Yes folks... as poor Ben can attest to... these *are* my own thoughts and words....
Alright so.... to explain these thoughts, regardless of how convoluted they may be....
After a morning misspent searching the web for a driver for a new toy, I decided to bite the bullet and....::shudder:: call the Tech Support Department. Are they considerate enough to have an toll-free number? Of course not. Are they considterate enough to actually be in the office today? Of course not. Why? Duh... its *COLUMBUS DAY*. All aboard folks...this is where the thought train leaves the station.
So... being anoyed that I can't take care of the issue *without* having to call a TS that has decided that Columbus was some sort of hero and, therefore, not being able to *play* with an aspect of my new toy.....I began to wonder....(alright..so the action of actually putting these thoughts to "pen" was instigated by the call from a client stating that I should be getting her deposit/contract in the mail today.... *NOT*...)
Who was Columbus?
I'm figuring the guy was pretty much like me at the moment.... *BORED* out of his skull. But, not having a 1point-something gigahertz computer to waste time playing Bejeweled on or sending mindless scientific-nerdy jokes to pester and fill up his buddies' email boxes.... he did the next best thing. ROAD TRIP.
Vegas was out as was Disneyland (yeah, for me too).... and, seeing as he was pretty much broke, even going to the next town wasn't do-able. AAAh... now this is the only part of the man that I consider genius. He *actually* had the balls not only to find an investor...but a *ROYAL* invester (you thought I was gonna say "pain", huh??). How? By BSing his way through some dumb story about finding a new route to China or some other god-awful place that people were already getting to just fine. To h'll with Vegas....lets go someplace *exotic*.
So he got the equivalant of today's Winnebego... the Nina, the Pinta (did he know they exploded on rear-end impact? No wait...that was a '78 Pinto) and the Santa Maria.... ::begins humming "Santa Lucia":: sorry...
Ok so... Packed up the Winnebego with the boys...most of whom were as stupid as he was... and off we go.
Stupidity #1: No women on the ship. I'll get back to that...
Stupidity #2: He didn't take the time to ask for directions (read stupidity #1).
Stupidity #3: Didn't check to see if his GPS (i.e. sextant) was calibrated properly (Manuals? We don' need no stinkin manuals!)
So... out in the middle of nowhere, figuring he knows where he's going (I'm sure *MRS* Columbus woulda gotten him there in *half* the time)... does he find what he's looking for? I'm sure we all know the answer to that one..... *BUT*...does he admit he's *WRONG*? AAABBBSSOOLUUUUUTEELY not. (typical male).
Ok, so. I'm sure we all know the end of the story to this point, but what I wanna know is...what is this teaching our children? Be stupid and you'll have a holiday named after you? Completely and utterly fail at what you intend to do and the Post Office will be forever grateful? I think we should abolish this holiday. There's enough stupidity in this world to compensate.
Our next subject: How Bejeweled is actually an attempt at world domination by the Taliban....although, to consider it... why would anyone wanna dominate a world full of blind & mindless drones (the result of playing Bejeweled for over 4 hours straight)?
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#
(Rant Revisited)
Alright so... *TRUE STORY*... I'm sitting here thinking of new things to add to my rant when my daughter announces that, for her homework, she has to read me something about Columbus.... Yes, I found it *extremely* difficult to keep a straight face through it....not because of anything *she* did....but because of what I had done earlier.
Now mind you.... when I sent my rant earlier, I *knew* Columbus had lost a ship (turns out it was two, actually) and *GUESS WHAT*... the Pinta caught fire! *TOLD* you there was a rear collision issue! Alright so... I need to Google that just to get my facts straight.... hold on to whatever you hold dear, folks.... I'll brb.
Figures... our idiot hero ran his Flagship aground... I bet Mrs Columbus had something to say about *THAT*.
Alright... scratch the bon-fire on the Pinta. It went down in a storm long after our moronic hero died..... Oh... and he died not even realizing what an idiot he was (think his *crew* was gonna tell him???). He *never* knew he was lost!
Now...yet another question has arisen. Who was the bigger idiot; Chrissy-boy or Miss Iz? I mean, cummon... the guy had brains enough to go to her for the cash to prove what an idiot he was.... but *SHE PAID IT*.
My favorite is the history books (like my daughter's) who say that Chrissy-boy played nice with the indians... *WRONG*. So now not only are we celebrating stupidity, but the birth of slavery (alright, maybe not the *birth*)....
Yup... Time to set history straight, folks.
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