Don't forget Dad's day is June 17! We have a kajillion products for dad and they are WAY better than the boring old tie or gift certificate! Click here for our Father's Day section. Click any of the images on that page to view all the products available with those designs on them. As always, if there's something you'd like that you don't see there? Drop us a note and we'll work something out!
Pssst, sorry. Can't help it. We also have some new items for the soon-to-be mom, maternity shirts have been added to the product lines, as well as excellent new plus-size shirts! Click here for the latest maternity items, including "Nope. Just Fat." and "Don't Know? Don't Touch!" for all those clueless strangers who think it's okay to touch a pregnant tummy. I've also created a cute "form" on apparel, cards, mugs, etc. that can either be used to give info to nosy nellies or...be used as a sarcastic "None ya Biz!" And don't forget the MYLF product. Since she's wearing the item, MILF doesn't fit. So I changed "I" to "You" ..hence the "Y" in MYLF. There are many other new items, as well. Hope you like!
Okay. I'm done.
Oops, except to say that I just added a new section to the "Ding fries are done" area with a line of items that say "Don't Bob for Fries in Hot Fat!."
Okay. Seriously Done now.
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The other morning I followed the dogs outside to water my new (and still alive) plant. My mother-in-law gave me an absolutely gorgeous rose bush for Mother's day and I've managed to keep it alive for several weeks! I, too, am shocked and amazed. But as I trotted (okay, more like shuffled) outside with my watering can in hand, I noticed a most distasteful scent in the air. Smoke. And not joyful, yummy, oh-how-I-miss-it cigarette smoke, no no. It was, instead, Burning Natural Objects smoke. I became highly offended, because there is construction going on behind our neighborhood and, due to the strength of the smell, I naturally assumed it was coming from 100 feet that-a-way. I began my typical Gracie Annoyance Dance wherein I furrow my brow, set my jaw, sigh deeply and audibly, and began waving my hand in front of my face and made excessive (and wholly exaggerated) coughing sounds to let them know juuuust how little I appreciated them accosting me with their burning. It's bad enough, I thought, that I have to be awakened with a jolt each morning when they begin (their only apparent duty for the last year which is) driving the dirt packer TANK back and forth...back and forth...all the livelong day. Seriously, for the last year, not one thing has been built. They've merely moved dirt from one side of their area to the other, then...flattened it.
I've been mostly unbothered by their presence, getting used to the sound of their machines and even though I miss the shade of the trees they knocked down, they really haven't been too bad. Their workers aren't noisy, nobody's peed in my yard, and even our next door serial killer neighbor has gotten used to them and no longer marches the perimeter of his yard, checking to ensure that they aren't encroaching on his dead trees (and buried dead bodies, no doubt) while screaming rap lyrics. I kid you not. Ever witnessed a sixty-something-year-old white guy hollering "Who da baby daddy if da HO DON'T KNOW!?" ?? Yeah...it's so mentally unsettling that it makes your TEETH ache. But even he has become accustomed to their presence and settled down. My only issue up until this point is how long it would take before they built whatever it was they were pretending to build and...started in on the pretty forest behind MY house.
While it's baffling that it's taken them this long to pack dirt from one side to the other without actually producing anything...structure-like, I've kept my bitchiness to a minimum because...the longer it takes them to pack that damned dirt? The longer I get to enjoy my shade and privacy.
That morning, however, I was not so patient. As I mentioned, there was a nasty and unbelievably heavy smokiness. And I only spent about 3 minutes doing my Bitchy Crazy Lady dance and then ...felt sorta dumb, because ...helllloooo? Just because you're annoyed, Gracie? Doooooesn't mean they're going to stop! And so I went about watering my plant, speaking lovingly to it (though quietly...nobody needs to witness THAT much craziness), corralled the dogs back inside, and got ready for work.
Later that night, I mentioned the smell, the all-day smoke-in-the-air irritation, and (of course) my angry bitch dance. Clearly, though, I had to be made an ass out of, because that's the law now that I have George. He is the only man I've wanted to impress this much and at any cost, and he is the only man around whom it never happens. I can't believe he still talks to me sometimes, considering the idiotic things I get myself into. To prove this point, I bring you the ending events of the day. In full circle fashion, I was letting the dogs out for their last potty break before bed. As I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for them to...You Know...I heard the beginning of the nightly newscast from the living room (where George was sitting...of COURSE). It was the very beginning section of the program where they give a few sound bites about the upcoming show, to pique our interest, hoping we'll stick around past the weather. The only thing I heard, however? Was the female anchor say "Stay tuned to hear how long the smoky air will be with us!"
It's a curious thing how quickly things can become clear in your mind and how soon the shame can settle in. It's also curious how often George is witness to these things, too. I hung my head and said to George that ...well... perhaps that smoke this morning? Maaaaybe it hadn't come from the construction site after all. And...well...just maaaaybe it came from the wildfires a few hours down south of us? He assuaged my embarrassment with a comforting "Gee...ya THINK??" and then...it started.
Gracie: "...could be..."
George: "No...not 'could be' ...IS."
Gracie: "Well I didn't know. Things don't usually follow such an air pattern and make it from down there to ...up here." (Feeling dumber by the minute.)
George: "Yeah," he said, in a way that was probably conversational for him, but sounded like, 'GOD, you're dumb' to me. "The wind shifted. Happens sometimes."
And rather than get my feelings hurt, which I very easily could have done, I made the wise decision to see the humor in this. I mentioned again my early morning dancing routine and how idiotic I must have looked. Even if they HAD been burning something. George promptly joined in.
George: "Oh, whoah, WHOAH!! Guys, guys, GUYS! Stop it, stop it NOW! Put that fire OUT! Gracie...is... ANNOYED!! Let us STOP! Put. it. OUT. Dammit, men, DO IT!"
Gracie: *Picking up where George left off* "Cause we have a lookout! And wheneeeever we see even a HINT of the universally recognized Look of Piss-Off from Gracie? Well we will just STOP whateeeeever may be going on and put an END to it just for YOU!"
I really do realize I'm ridiculous. I do. But I can't help it. And George keeps it going when he makes comments such as the one below, as we were making our way upstairs to bed:
George: "Yeah, uh...LADY? That smell? ...is FLORIDA!"
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Can someone please explain to me how a frigging DUCK could be living (and quacking all gawdam night and day) on my ROOF!? WHAT the HELL!?
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Someone Arrived Here Searching For:
can a cat take colonic [wouldn't the more appropriate question be: "SHOULD you be out of PRISON!?"]
why do dogs eat toilet paper
getting married in vegas by midgets [hey, I don't make 'em up, folks. I juuuust report 'em.]
what is a job description
grannysucksgrandpa [why would you want to make me vomit so early on a Sunday morning? WHY?]
huge boobs and the vacuum
photo of sexy indian boons girls [what exactly ARE boons??]
sexy fart torture
smother me with ass [while physically POSSIBLE, I...you know, I just don't feel comfortable with that.]
biiiig tits [because "BIG" just doesn't DO it anymore!]
honking stuffed goose [shhhh, George might hear you!]
diffusing family disagreements [aaaaahahahahaha]
girl fart in restroom [welcome to the news!]
randy jackson is a racist
"modicum of decency"
women chewing on underwear [ohhhh how I long for the previous search term now]
jaimie lee curtis hermaphrodite
fat poolboy picture
sayings about stalkers
ice dispenser stuck on crush
degeneres disk disease [hehehe. The only 'degeneres' disease is a terminal lack of funny. DegenerATIVE disease...I can 'splain to you all day.]
nude mother in-law pics [on what PLANET is this okay??]
