Today's entry is in response to a reader's request.

-----Original Message-----
From: Susan
Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2007 11:03:12
To: Gracie
Subject: Advice on Tattoo

Grace,

I need your advice on something. I don't know if you still do the advice emails but I'm hoping you do. I want to get a tattoo.

My sister passed away back in 1994 (the day before my daughter was born) and my sister and I always had an unspoken pact that if one of us died we would come back and let the other one know that they were ok, and that there was more to life than what we experience here on Earth.

One day about 6 months ago dragonflies just started appearing like crazy (or maybe I just started noticing them) and the thought of them kept entering my mind. I did some internet searches to find out if there was any 'meaning' attached to dragonflies or suddenly seeing dragonflies and I found a story like this about dragonflies: http://home.comcast.net/~jackmcleod/Parable.htm

So I decided I would get a tattoo of a dragonfly on my foot so I could see it whenever I get dressed and it would remind me of the dragonfly story and that maybe my sister didn't come see me after she died for a reason. And I was crazy about the idea until I talked to my parents about it, and they felt it was a bad idea. They said tattoos were trashy, would look bad, I would regret it, everyone that gets tattoos regrets them. So now it has me second guessing myself. And I wonder if after I get it,will I think of myself as trashy or what if I hate it? What if I regret it? What if other people think I'm trashy or low class for getting a tattoo? What if it changes the way other people view me or lowers their opinion of me?

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Susan,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. And right before the birth of your child, too. Ugh. *Sends her a hug*

I have a similar situation that started with the passing of my grandfather and has to do with tiny yellow butterflies and rainbows. Gosh, that sounds so trite, doesn't it? But it's the truth. Not long after he passed we were deluged with tiny yellow butterflies, ones I'd never seen before (or noticed anyway). And each time I thought of my grandpa, I'd look up and there would be a rainbow. Every time. Back then and even now, it never fails to bring a smile to my lips and to brighten my day. And I am always thankful for those little reminders, regardless of where they come from, and I always say a quiet "Hi Grandpa" to the nothingness and go on about my day, with a step that's a little lighter than it was just prior. And whether it's him or not doesn't matter. It's simply the fact that those things make me THINK of him and it comforts me. And that's all that matters.

Anyway, Susan, that's my little intro and "I can relate" story. Here is your question and our responses. And I appreciate you trusting us with your dilemma. Please let us know how it turns out.

~Gracie

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Here is George's reply:

Here's my $.02 on the subject.

Fuck 'em. who cares what anyone else thinks. That being said I understand that it is easier said than done when it comes to not caring what others think. So since you asked for an opinion, here it is:

Go for it, the only thing I warn against is getting something too big. Also you need to consider how often you may wear "fancy" shoes, and attend "fancy" events. If it is often, then you may want to reconsider the location as you and pretty much everyone else knows, other women will look at your shoes, and your tattoo will show. If you are ok with that then go for it, but it sounds like you may be a bit concerned with that, so, maybe a different location would be better.

Maybe on the lower abdomen below the navel and off to the side a bit. I know having it there maybe a bit creepy as it is your sister we are talking about, but you want to see it every day, and I figure anyone that may see that, ie... you in a bathing suit, probably knows you well enough to know what it means or they would feel comfortable enough asking about it without judging you for it.

Personally, I would put it anywhere I wanted and tell the world to screw, including my family, as it is for my sister, and it means a great deal to me. However I'm like that over pretty much everything, so no big surprise there. I think if you get it small enough, then you should be fine, but only you can decide how much you care about other peoples opinions of you and how "out there" you want this to be.

-George

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And here is mine:

I too wanted a tattoo. Not for the lovely reason you want one, but symbolic nonetheless. I had come through several very difficult times in my life and was finally feeling like I was going to be okay. That I was independent and strong and growing up and capable of getting past terrible things on my own. For a decade I had wanted a tattoo, but never had the guts to do it. For some reason, I felt that getting a tattoo now, at 22, would be my grand statement to myself that I was this new person. I kept hesitating because I knew my parents would be livid. I knew they would make "It's soooo trashy and declasse" noises about tattoos in general, but for a GIRL? Oh hell no. At that point in my life, 15 years ago, women didn't have tattoos. Bikers did. It was taboo. Dangerous. Naughty. And then one day our company's receptionist was going to be out and we called in a temp. And in walked this gorgeous girl with a tattoo on her ankle. And I was dumbfounded. It wasn't trashy or hideous. It was intriguing. And not just the symbol she had, which of course I no longer recall, but that she DID it. She withstood society's views, stood up to the pain, and married herself to this object forever.

MAN, how I DUG that. I was so envious. I followed her around for the few days she was there, asking her about it, about the pain, about her feelings, people's reactions, whether her family still spoke to her and all of it. I was fascinated. And she was sweet and patient about it.

And it pushed me over the edge and set the ball rolling. But again, there was my family to think about. What would they think, what would their friends think, what would my coworkers and future dates think? But it finally hit me, a year or two after Temp Chick... NOT getting this tattoo because your parents or future friends or people you DON'T EVEN KNOW won't like it? Goes against every reason you WANTED to get it in the first place! By not getting it, you're saying that you ARE, in fact, dependent on those people, and the opinions of others. It was a light bulb, "DUH!" moment. And so I did some research, grabbed a girlfriend, and took off to the best tattoo shop in our area (I live in Georgia. There was a PLETHORA...even then). I was seated next to a biker who was getting a tattoo on his upper arm. He cried the whole time and made them stop frequently to catch his breath. I didn't stop once and the artist kept complimenting me on being so strong and cool about it. Whether he meant it as a "line" or not, it did wonders for me and my ego and I ate it up.

For my symbol, I chose what is now considered trite: a rose tattoo. On my ankle. Yep. I'm now one of a bazillion. But at the time? Nobody else, okay?? NOBODY. At least not that I'd ever known or heard of (well, except Temp Girl). And I felt that the symbol shouldn't be some fad or silly symbol that I thought was "cool" at the time because I knew that my definitions of "cool" would change throughout my life. But I couldn't see down the line far enough to a point when a flower would no longer be pretty. And besides, for me, it wasn't about the shape the ink took...it was the event itself and was merely symbolic of me reclaiming my life.

And I've never once regretted it.

I've covered it here and there when the situation called for it. And I've actually forgotten I have it on many occasions. But each time I remember it or see it, it's a reminder of that strong girl sitting down surrounded by needles and saying goodbye to the scared, timid little girl I was, and greeting the hints of the woman I was becoming, who walked with me back out of the shop.

~Gracie

Take from that what you will. But it's my story. And every person with a tattoo has a story and a memory and a reason. And I think yours is beautiful. And it's YOUR choice and your body and your memories and meaning. And I think you already know what the answer is for yourself. (Send me a picture!)

PS, I've yet to meet a person with a tattoo who regretted it. Though, to be fair, the people I know who have them gave it a LOT of thought and waited a long time before getting them to be absolutely certain that they wanted it. And judging from your story and the meaning behind it? I can't imagine you'd regret a constant reminder of your sister. My only warnings are:

A) Do your research on the shop! Make sure that they use new needles, clean their tools properly, that they don't have unresolved complaints against them with the Better Business Bureau. Talk to people with tattoos and ask them for suggestions and advice on locations and artists. Make sure that you are completely familiar with aftercare, as the first 10 days after you get a tattoo are crucial to the length and vitality of the tattoo. Bottom line: Do your homework so you don't get sick or get stuck with a cockroach instead of a dragonfly.

B) The location of the tattoo on your body. Think about that long and hard and about whether or not there might be times when you don't want to share the image (job interviews, etc.), how hard it might be to cover it up, and the times when your clothing or footwear may be limited based on that decision. Ultimately, though, it's all about you and your bond with your sister.

Okay. I'm done. F'real this time. I always ramble on and on with these (okay, okay, and with everything ELSE, too! Y'all leave me alone! It's like I can HEAR ya!)

Good luck Susan. Please keep in touch.

For anyone with a tattoo or blemishes that need serious covering up? I am a diehard fan of Covermark. It can literally cover a tattoo and does wonders for under-eye circles. Note: when I went to the site to get the link, I noticed that they've branched out their product line and now even have specific tattoo-covering kits. How cool is that? They have a Fair / Med kit here. Also, their finishing powder is phenomenal over any foundation or cover-up.

Also for tattoo peeps: make Vitamin E oil (not the lotion, but the little capsules that you can poke open with a safety pin) your best friend! It does wonders for the life of the tattoo, especially that first week.

And lip balm with sunscreen? Amazing. Not only does it perk up the colors, but it protects against fading and sun damage.

And to lighten the mood and to ensure that I am not considered too sentimental for prime time? Here is the latest and greatest in the twisted world of the Web....

Someone Arrived Here Searching For:

wwwwhuh [oooookay, then]

amarikan sexy com [ohhhh, yeah. You should SO have access to the Internet]

piss angel

porkin her

pictures of havier getting a spanking

labia angst [hhhhaaaahahahahahahahaha]

brides with big tits in pantyhose

ding pee

constantly nauseated [me too, sister. And if YOU people saw what *I* saw on the stats pages?? Things I won't post here? Ohhh, you would be too]

american tits butter

does empanada have a tilde [NO!! Thank GOD someone had the good sense to ask this. You wouldn't believe how often I hear people mispronounce this word!!]

african-american granny nude

screwmywife black [well...what color will she be STARTING as??]

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