Yeah, it’s long, but the pictures that go with this entry make it worth it, so grab some coffee and…read fast! (and if you just don’t have time? Scroll down till you see “IDIOTS.” on its own line and begin reading after that. See how I love thee?)
So I’ve written that we’ve had some J-O-B troubles lately, with all three of us being laid off within three weeks of each other (what FUN!) and the ensuing craziness of the Job Search. Ugh. But because I spent every waking moment mired in the joy of said job search (and a lil thing called WICKED ASS depression), I wasn’t quite in a place where I wanted to joke about it yet…or, rather, wasn’t feelin’ too funny and wasn’t able to see the humor at the time. Now that I have a job? I’m all SORTS of ready!
So. When I was first laid off, George and The Kiddo were both still employed, and we had NO idea what was headed our way (silly me, I thought the events of the last year or three were enough and we’d met our karmic payback threshold…aaaahahahaha). So since we had plenty o’ cash in the bank and I was utterly burnt out, I chose to take some time off before really leaping into the job search, because I was exhausted and wanted some time to breathe. I envisioned myself lounging by the pool, occasionally tap-tap-tapping away on the laptop, leisurely updating the store and the site, and…what is those dorks say on the ITT commercials? Oh, that’s right…LIVIN’ THE DREAM.
SNORT.
So I sent my resume out to about a dozen recruiters, put some feelers out, but I wasn’t doing it hardcore because I figured I had plenty of time and also? Arrogant me thought that when I really tried and put my mind to it, I would have 84 offers begging me to come deliver my wondermous services in less than a WEEK once I *really* started looking and decided my princess self was READY.
HA.
I soon got a disturbing dose of reality, and not *just* because everyone in my household also lost their jobs soon thereafter. Nope. Once I started ramping up the job search after my blissful Month O’ Laziness®, I started realizing that …EVERYONE is getting laid off these days and, because of that, my competition was MUCH higher (and the pay? was MUCH lower). Employers were able to be much pickier and my lack of degree? The one in which I braaaagged about not having and how oh-aren’t-I-juuuust-so-talented-and-in-demand, didn’t NEED? Mm-hm, THAT one…the one that neeeever slowed me down by not having it?? Yeah that was CRAP. It got me tossed in the circular file numerous times. I was devastated. Especially since I knew if they would just TALK to me, they would see how utterly brilliant I was and how I could easily handle any job they threw at me, but…they wouldn’t talk to me. I was shocked. indignant. PISSED.
And I was SCARED. Because nobody was calling back, let alone begging.
Thankfully that all changed recently and I got a few offers and I have chosen a most excellent one and I start this week. YAY! George also is doing some contract work now and has a few offers in the hopper, so we should be just fine. (Not to mention, The Kiddo deserves mucho credit, as he got a job before ANY of us! He rawksores…or…whatever the hell it is the kids say nowadays.) WHEW, right? I KNOW!
So. Now that we’re almost on the other side, I have a few things I saved during That Dark Time That Sucked Much Ass and that I am now oh-too-willing to share with you, my loverlies. So today = funny stuffs. The next entry will be a few tips for those of you currently looking for jobs (or who might be soon). It had been a decade since I interviewed and let me tell you…things have CHANGED, people. At least for me, and perhaps that’s because I’m in a completely different job category now, so interviewing is wildly different and I quickly learned that I could no longer BS my way into jobs anymore…I actually had to *gasp* prepare and do homework and KNOW STUFF. Let me tell ya, I was hugely humbled by some truly crappy and hellish interviews and, thankfully, learned a few lessons from it all. I will share those next time. But for now? Let’s have a giggle or three!
Not sure if you’re aware of this–or if it’s wrong for me to even acknowledge it–but apparently the latest trend in outsourcing to India? Has moved into the recruiting field. NIIIIICE. Don’t write me hate mail just yet. First take a moment and think about it. What does a recruiter do? Well, they sort through job listings from corporations, then hit the job boards, read resumes, and…they CALL people. Gone are the days of YOU calling the call centers for help and assistance and groaning and pounding your head repeatedly against your F9 key due to the frustration of multiple language barriers. Nope…now THEY come to YOU! And when they do? The recruiters are required supposed to communicate job details and requirements, many of which may not be immediately recognized by the person they’re calling anyway, since–at least in the technology field–things are advancing so rapidly and new technologies and programming languages and such are ever-evolving and new ones are cropping up by the very MINUTE, I tell ya, so sometimes you may not know the latest term and sometimes? Well…let’s just say that communication skills are of the utmost importance. Right?
Well, bless your heart for thinkin’ so. And, to be fair, bless ‘em for trying. And I admit that I’m even less advanced than they, as I am, well, not completely bilingual (I can get by with Spanish, but would likely die in a hut with a donkey and two feathers due to my sub-par conversational Spanish speaking skills, most of which consists of cursing with great aplomb) and I know how hard it is to learn a new language, especially one so hard as ours, but…let’s be real here. It can be incredibly frustrating to communicate with someone who has only just learned your language and hasn’t yet begun to discover the many sundry and fascinating nuances of said language.
But you have to wonder what the HELL these companies are THINKING when they hire people who barely speak the language when their sole function is…TO SPEAK TO PEOPLE and, what’s more, the purpose of that speaking is to get people into JOBS. Jobs they need to pay their bills and if they are placed incorrectly, well, they might lost their HOME, let alone another job, and it’s a complete waste of time for everyone involved if not done properly, and then there’s that little thing known as gaps in your job history and bad-looking-short-term-notes on their resumes and …DUDE. Outsourcing job recruiters is simply a horrible, HORRIBLE idea.
IDIOTS.
But it’s not the fault of the overseas recruiters…they’re just trying to do their jobs. And you want to understand that and be polite and you’re desperate for a job yourself, so you go out of your way to be patient and polite and not show the frustration you feel when you simply can NOT understand what the HELL they are saying and you don’t know if it’s because you’re an idiot (fair assumption) or maybe what they’re saying is just a tool you’ve never heard of or if it’s because they don’t know that some computer languages and tools are acronyms but are supposed to be read like actual words, not spelled out (Hi MySQL!) and…some aren’t and let me tell you from experience? There are only so many ways you can pretend that you have a bad connection and can you please email me the job requirements cause I’m going through a ginORMOUS tunnel right now (shhhh, they don’t KNOW that metro Atlanta HAS no underwater tunnels!) and can we just talk through email crrrrcaaarrrcrrrackle losing you crraarrruckkkllee iiiyeee, hey thanks! CLICK!
Ugh.
What’s also funny is that the language barriers continue through email. And here is what aaaaall that set up above was for. I offer you below a few examples of the hilarious language barriers I faced during my job search. The first image is funny…the second is …well…a little mean because it was the 120th time this had happened and I just couldn’t help myself (and George snickered, snorted, and outright laughed when I considered doing it and, well…that just eggs me on, cause nothing’s better than making George laugh), and the third image? Made me pee a little when I read it on my handheld in the car on the way to dinner with George*. I wish I had recorded the resulting conversation between us, but even if I HAD? We’d promptly be arrested for hate crimes because people? It. was. OH-SO-WRRRROOONG.
So…here we go (do I still need to type “Click to enlarge” for images in my new blog? Because I want to…because I know that some people are new and don’t realize that Live Writer thoughtfully decreases images and turns them into links to the full-size images so as not to screw up your blog’s layout…okay, okay, OCD-Girl shutting up now! But..yanno…CLICK TO ENLARGE! whew…now I can go on with my day.)
Tell me…can anyone offer me ideas on which tool I can use to convert to “reach” text format? I mean, I’m not DUMB or anything, so clearly I know that some sort of bungee cord will be involved…duh. But…DAMN myself to hell for not gettin’ that college degree!!
But let’s move on. Another issue with the recruiters not living in our country? They have no concept of domestic distance. See, you thought just entering on your job profile that you only want to travel 20 miles or less to a job was enough, right? Because you know that commutes in Atlanta can be hell, so you have to take that into consideration, right? Right! Simple enough. Anyone can get THAT, and they put it there for you to fill out for a reason, so clearly the recruiters USE that info, or at least take it into consideration when scoping you out, yes? Puh-SHAW. They? Choose to ignore that comPLETELY and, worse, apparently don’t HAVE maps (guess Miss South Carolina was RIGHT!) because I received close to 50 job offers for various parts of the country, all of which not only weren’t within 20 miles of my zip code, but were in glorious FACT 9 BAJILLION miles from said zippy code, despite me being positively clear about my 20 mile thing AND that I was NOT willing to relocate or travel. But things happen and the first 40 times I was polite. After that, I started getting annoyed, especially since these people would ask me to go work in Missouri or Ohio or frickin KANSAS and would then ARGUE with me when I said it was too far. I shit you not. I started joking around, asking them if the company would pay mileage for my commute and if first class flying was part of the deal? They…didn’t get it. So I had to get firm. And here is one such exchange. The first is my email in response to the offer of a quickie contract in Illinois and the second is the …well…MAP that I sent as an attachment. Heh. (click to enlarge both…shuddup):
Aaaand the image I attached:
Yyyyyeah…people LOVE me. And, oddly enough…those offers STOPPED shortly thereafter. Hee.
And finally, my all-time (make ya pee a little) favorite:
Not just because it’s a job posting for a technical writer with grammatical errors and numerous typos (90% of all writing positions contain those, so I’ve long since gotten over THAT lil piece of humorous irony), but because of its greeting. And that he somehow KNEW that sometimes? My moods simply AREN’T best.
As an aside, I would also like to warn you that not everyone purporting to be a recruiter is actually a recruiter and they are pretty shady in that they will do ANYTHING to get your social security number AND they go to new depths of unethical behavior to garner their commissions, insisting that you frequently change your resume to include word-for-word matching paragraphs that perfectly align with what the hiring company is looking for. I actually had more than one overseas recruiter argue angrily with me when I, not realizing what they were trying to do, responded to the request by saying that I DID have that skill already listed on my resume (and was a little miffed that they called me before reviewing said resume, especially since–in many cases–it was listed on the first line of my last work experience section). They didn’t care. They wanted me to write it exactly as they had it listed in the job posting so that I would come up as an exact match, regardless of its truth, thereby garnering them their particularly fabulous commission, which I found ridiculously ass-kissing and obviously desperate and really didn’t want to do, especially since it was almost always quite badly written. Hey…I do have SOME standards. Stop laughing. I CAN hear you!
Ugh. The whole experience sucked ASS. I hate interviewing. Not the actual part, because I can talk to anyone and I’m good at dealing with people and selling myself, but the other parts, such as …you know what? This is best saved for a separate entry. Check back in day after tomorrow (or thereabouts) and I will have a whole Interview Entry for you.
Nuttin’ But Love N’ Best Moods For Ya!
~Gracie
*Yeah, that’s right…even with all of us unemployed, we still went out to dinner occasionally, because sometimes? Dude. You just NEED to feel normal and get away from the utter FREAKING OUT that happens at home when you aren’t sure if you will EVER get a job again and start convincing yourself that asking people if they want FRIES with that wouldn’t be so bad, and yeah, we may get foreclosed on, but…we could stand living in an efficiency apartment with two 100 lb dogs and most of our crap and two cats who hate the dogs (understandable since the dogs think they = SNACKS) and gaaaaah, screw it ALL you just HAVE to go out to eat anyway.**
**Do. NOT. Judge. Because Karma? Came to visit me. In fact, it sat on my face and ohhhhh how it wiggled. But I have since learned my required lessons and I tossed that bitch OUT on her ASS and she juuuust might be taking a bus right now to YOUR house, honey dears. ;-p
